I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
