I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
