I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
