you win again, gameday.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
