I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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