she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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