I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
