actually, I'm a sock model
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
