He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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