sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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