put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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