So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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