he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
