Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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