we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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