omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
