You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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