I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
