yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
