Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
