i think my tv is drunk
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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