Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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