i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
