wat bout pragnant strippers??
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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