Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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