Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
