grandma shit on top of the toilet
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
