so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
