with your own penis?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
