I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
