man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
