So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
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