she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
