How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
