My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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