By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
and you fell through a lawn chair
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
