John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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