Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize