her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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