Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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