it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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