you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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