i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
