TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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