i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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