does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I need to calm my uterus...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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