went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize