the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize