absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
