my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize