Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
