I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Green mimosas i think yes
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
