Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
