I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
