This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The adults are the big ones right?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
