The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
