The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
