also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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