I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
