they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
MIDGETS
????
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
