Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
