omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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