How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize