please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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