My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
