I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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