Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
