I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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