I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
