Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize