I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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