I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
