I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
