I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
