he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
