I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
