found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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