Just fell off a train. Bad.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
