am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
