i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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