as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
