bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
