Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
