i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize