You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
