And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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